Kelly Racicot, RICP®
If you find yourself in this position—or see it on the horizon—you’re not alone. Millions of women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond are balancing their own needs with the increasing demands of elder care. It’s a chapter that brings both emotional rewards and real challenges. Here’s what you need to know to navigate it with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
1. The Emotional Load is Real (and You’re Not Alone)
Many women step into caregiving with love and a deep sense of duty—but also with a mix of guilt, resentment, and overwhelm. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re stretched too thin, especially if you’re also helping adult children or grandchildren. This “sandwich generation” stress is real, and acknowledging your emotional limits is the first step toward sustainable caregiving.
You are allowed to feel conflicted. You are allowed to grieve. And most importantly, you are allowed to take care of yourself.
2. Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Start the Conversation
One of the biggest mistakes families make is waiting too long to talk about care needs. If your parents are still relatively independent, now is the time to have calm, proactive discussions about what they would want if their health or cognitive abilities decline.
Ask:
- Do you have a healthcare directive or power of attorney?
- Where would you want to live if living alone isn’t an option?
- Who should make decisions on your behalf?
It may feel awkward—but having these conversations before a crisis allows for better decisions, less conflict, and more peace of mind.
3. Know the Financial Implications—for Them and for You
Caregiving often comes with invisible (and visible) costs. Travel expenses, medical supplies, time away from work, and even home renovations can quickly add up. For many women, taking on a caregiving role means reducing work hours or retiring earlier than planned—both of which can jeopardize their own long-term financial security.
This is where planning is essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup—or an underfunded retirement account. Talk to a trusted advisor about how to balance caregiving with protecting your own financial future.
4. Get the Legal Documents in Place
If your parents don’t already have a durable power of attorney, healthcare proxy, and living will, it’s critical to address potential need for these documents while they’re still able to make decisions. These documents give their designee the authority to act on their behalf and ensure their wishes are respected.
If you attend meetings with your parents and their attorney, you could address your own legal document needs, too.
5. Understand Care Options and What They Really Cost
From in-home help to assisted living or skilled nursing facilities, the care landscape is wide—and often expensive. Medicare doesn’t cover most long-term care, and navigating Medicaid or private insurance can be a full-time job in itself.
Learn the basics about:
- The difference between medical and non-medical care
- What’s covered (and not covered) by insurance
- How long-term care insurance works—and whether it’s too late to get it
Aging in place is the preference for most older adults, but it requires thoughtful planning, both logistically and financially.
6. Set Boundaries and Ask for Help
It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to delegate. It’s okay to not be the “everything person.”
Caregiving is not a solo sport. Whether it’s involving siblings, hiring part-time help, or simply asking a friend to sit with your parent for an hour while you go for a walk—building a support team is essential.
Don’t wait until burnout forces you to take a break. Make rest and support part of your care plan from the beginning.
7. Family Conflict Happens—Address It Early
Caregiving can bring out old family wounds. Sibling disagreements about who does what (or pays for what) are common. Be proactive in defining roles, setting expectations, and—if needed—bringing in a neutral third party like a family meeting facilitator or eldercare mediator.
Clear communication can prevent resentment from taking root.
8. You Can Grieve Before the Goodbye
One of the most painful aspects of caring for a parent is the slow loss of who they used to be. This is especially true with cognitive decline or major health changes. It’s called anticipatory grief, and it’s real. Give yourself permission to mourn the changes while still showing up with love.
Therapists, support groups, and faith communities can be powerful allies on this emotional path.
9. Don’t Forget to Find the Joy
While caregiving is hard, it can also be profoundly meaningful. You may discover a deeper relationship with your parent, a new level of resilience in yourself, or a connection to family history you didn’t know you needed.
Look for those moments. Celebrate the small wins. Share stories, laugh when you can, and let love—not just obligation—lead the way.
Next Steps: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
We understand that caregiving is a difficult path. It affects your time, your heart, and your finances. Our mission is to walk alongside you with tools, resources, and personalized support so you can care for your loved ones without sacrificing your own future.
If you’re navigating the complexities of caregiving—or expect to soon—let’s talk. Call us today to schedule your consultation.